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Tidbits from Houston

23 May 2008

Me 0, US Customs 1

Customs Agent: Where are you headed?

Me: Uh, Houston.

Customs Agent: For what purpose?

Me (racking my brain and it shows on my face): Business.

Customs Agent: What do you do?

Me (looking like he asked me to explain the Theory of Relativity): Stuff.

Customs Agent frowns.

Me (mimicking typing): Stuff…stuff with…

Customs Agent: Computers?

Me: Yes!

Customs Agent: You’re not a morning person, are you?

Me (dangerously close to pouting): No.

Canucks are classified as homo sapiens, too

Waiter: You’re taking a late lunch.

Me: I just got off a plane. I missed breakfast and lunch. I need food.

Waiter: Oh, where are you from?

Me: Canada.

Waiter: Wow! You don’t look Canadian.

Me: Well, we pretty much look like you guys…but without the accent.

Waiter: I don’t have an accent.

Me: You have a slight drawl. To my ear, anyone outside of New York and California has an accent.

Waiter: Really?

Me: Years of watching Seinfeld.

Waiter: You get that up there?

Me: (biting my tongue)

Luckily, the lobster was excellent; the crème brûlée was three-times the size of what I would get in Canada and Europe; and one of the other waiters–tall, dark, and accented–is originally from France, so he and I spent a good thirty minutes reminiscing about life in Europe. We both agreed Germany is the party capital of Europe because everything there is dirt cheap, especially beer.

Pedestrians are not speed bumps

In the parking lot of the Galleria on Westheimer.

My friend: Why are you stopping?

Me: So that lady can cross.

My friend: She’s supposed to wait for you to go. You don’t stop for pedestrians!

Me: Pedestrians have the right of way, and we were only delayed by five seconds.

My friend (shaking his head): You’re such a Canadian.

Me: Calgarian. A Torontonian would’ve run her over.

It’s me and I’m not giving you the finger

Later as I’m driving him home.

My friend: Who are you waving to?

Me: I’m waving thank you to the driver of the truck behind us. He slowed down to let me merge.

My friend: This is Texas. He probably thinks you’re giving him the finger.

My boss will regret making me represent him

If Buckcherry’s “Crazy Bitch” is your cell phone ring tone, it might be prudent to mute the ringer during meetings.

I attract weirdness

While in line to order lunch, a woman in one of the meetings I had to sit through comes up beside me.

Woman: I’ve been watching you all day.

Me (discreetly searching for security): Oh.

Woman: You’re so little and cute! I want to put you in my pocket and take you home with me.

Me: Uh, thank you?

Woman: Are you Canadian?

Me (brow puckering confusion and a little fear): Yes.

Later, I relate the conversation to my friend.

My friend: She’s going to go home and tell her family all Canadians are little and cute.

Later still, I relate the conversation to the significant other.

SO: Is she hot?

Me (rolling my eyes): You are such a guy.

SO (grinning): As long as you keep noticing.

Healthy does not mean tasteless

For the last three years, I’ve been on a mission to find good sushi in Houston and I’m happy to announce I finally found it at Aka on Eldridge Pkwy. Also, people now no longer look at me like I’ve lost my mind when I ask for my vegetables steamed and not sautéed. Ordering V8, however, still raises eyebrows.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. 23 May 2008 10:57 AM

    Heh, no, Torontonians wouldn’t have run the pedestrian over. People from the suburbs of Toronto? Totally would have. I take my life in my hands every time I cross the street. They actually speed up and aim. *grin*

  2. Jane permalink
    23 May 2008 2:40 PM

    Those Custom agents always scare me. I think they’re trained to be intimidating and mean.

  3. 23 May 2008 5:19 PM

    Laurie – I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. My first time in downtown Toronto, I was at a crosswalk, the WALK signal flashed, I took a step forward and was promptly jerked back by someone behind me as a car zipped by right in front of me. The woman who’d saved me looked at me like I was mental and remarked, “You’re not from around here, are you?”

    Jane – I’m used to intimidating and mean. This one chuckled afterwards, which was even scarier.

  4. limecello permalink
    27 May 2008 12:14 PM

    LOL It depends on the place. Pedestrians have the right of way here, in OH too. Of course this isn’t always followed. (And running out in front of cars is not ok.) In Boston, they might ticket you for not giving pedestrians the right of way. Or NYC too, possibly.
    Accents… I don’t have an accent. It used to be/I used to think the Midwest accent was the non accent – but now all these places are developing funny little accents :P.
    As for US customs… yeah I don’t have good luck with them either. But that was in Detroit, and probably was for an entirely different reason. Grrr.

  5. 19 Jun 2008 3:34 AM

    Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Displacement.

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